Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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