6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The Olympian is in my bed
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
