...so i touched it.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
