I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
