IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
