Soap is not a condiment
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
