the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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