oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
its liver damage thursday
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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