All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
