God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
