I just pynch a tree in the face
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ugly people sure do ruin things
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
