She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
