can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
