Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
