I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
