How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
