rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
