This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
