I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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