Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
