he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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