remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
