I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
