I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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