Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
