So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
