Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
