My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
