I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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