Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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