i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
