I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
