your parents love me but you hate me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He felt like a one man threesome
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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