Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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