singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
