Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
