Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
