I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
In America we eat man semen.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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