She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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