I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
