hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
