were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
