Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I was born with a shot glass in my hand
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
