I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
