I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
