well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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