Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
