he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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