feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
