just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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