why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
