the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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