So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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