So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
