I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My penis needs a shock collar
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
