I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
