k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
