what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
