I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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