He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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