if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
