Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I am naked and annoyed.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
